Love or Something Else?

Everybody goes through a rights of passage of sorts when growing into an adult. One of the major hurdles to jump over comes in the form of falling in love; but is it love we find ourselves falling into or is it something else entirely?

I define romantic love as: an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment to another that transcends the everyday feelings of desire.  Love to me is weightless and at the same time worthy of the weight it produces.

Infatuation for a person can be defined as: the state of being completely carried away by an un-reasoned passion or desire.

I believe love represents all that's beautiful in a relationship. Love spawns the absence of self-need and gives rise to selfless giving. Love makes all things possible and provides wings of hope and imagination. Love makes people think of another's needs over their own while managing to produce balance within the equation.

Infatuation on the other hand produces no positive benefits... it limits, it hinders, it hides and it stifles the ability for a person to grow with someone for the mutual benefit of both. Infatuation is often the breeding ground for the rise of jealousy and the cause for the breakup of otherwise quality friendships.

Love gives, infatuation takes. Love enables, infatuation disables. Love inspires, infatuation limits.

When surveying your own relationship ask yourself which of these circumstances apply to you and you'll know whether or not you're in love or wrapped up in a relationship built on the not so solid foundation of infatuation.

To know if you're in love with your significant other or just swept away in infatuation you need to only ask yourself one question: Am I better because this person is in my life?

Really, a Bicycle?

If you have been blessed enough to have found someone who can stand you as much as you can stand them then CONGRATULATIONS!... you’re in a relationship, a partnership, a union or some special combination of sorts.

I’m downplaying the beauty of a relationship and the joy it can bring on purpose, partly because I think it’s good to approach such a subject of meaningfulness with a light-heart and partly because I think it’s good to base the value of your current relationship within the confines of a most basic idea- being able to stand one another.

The true test of a meaningful relationship is whether each member identified within it can honestly ask themselves: am I in this because my counterpart is everything I’m not or is this just something I’m doing to bide my time until Mr. or Mrs. RIGHT comes along?

Depending on your answer you should have an honest mode of evaluation of the current relationship you find yourself a part of and for your sake, I hope you’re able to be honest with yourself.

The inspiration for this post came on my walk home from the gym today, where I caught a glimpse into the volatile breakdown in a relationship between what looked like two ordinary people.

These two most likely pay their taxes and they probably even fulfill their civic duty of voting… but today this picture of American bliss was interrupted by an argument over how to properly shift gears on a bicycle. Yes, these two love birds became quaking crows over the simple feat of riding a bike.

As I stood and watched (yes I stood there and watched; what would you have done?) what I’m appeared to be the breakdown of their bliss-filled union I could not help but ask myself one question: why?

Why choose to argue (yes choose, in everything we have a choice) over such an inconsequential thing like the workings of a bicycle? Why not instead see the other individual as your better half and as someone with whom your only duty is to love, respect, and support? Why are we so quick to point out the minor flaws in our significant others rather than constructively help them grow as our cherished counterpart?

2 reasons: You’re not right for each other and/or you’re not ready to go your separate ways. Either can be the reason and yet somehow both are dependent upon the another for existence and evaluation purposes.

If you don’t look at your present love interest with grace in your eyes and acceptance in your heart, I hate to tell you, but it’s time to part ways amicably.

We date because it’s what we as humans do, it’s how we decipher the trophy fish from the guppy, and it’s our only way of narrowing down what will eventually be our last, great catch.

When you do find that special person that you love and adore, keep in mind one thing: give that person a fighting chance to be who they were created to be with as little static and friction from your side of the fence as possible.

Love someone because it comes natural, not unlike riding a bicycle because once anger, insecurity or deceit creeps in as the nature of your relationship and you don't have love as the bind that holds, a break-up is the only thing waiting around the corner once your significant other reminds you how to properly ride a bicycle.

You deserve only the best in all things, especially in a relationship where comfort and inspiration are supposed to ooze from. Be honest with yourself and your partner or as a by-product disaster is all that can be expected.

Choose love for yourself before you enter into a relationship and it will be much easier to give another the love and consideration they deserve when times get tough.

Giving is Receiving

Inspiration can come from anywhere and at any instant.

I just watched a video on YouTube entitled "the most and the best motivational video on the planet," it moved me into action to put these thoughts down for others to read.

I have spent my entire life trying to motivate others in hopes that deep down it would bring about the change in me that I've so desperately searched after.  What I've come to realize through this never-ending pursuit is that what you give to others, you yourself already possess.

What you want you must first give, and in order to receive you must first be willing to give that same thing away.

This is an extraordinary idea that takes some time and meditation to fully understand, but once you let these words pierce the armor of your soul, you'll soon realize that by giving something to someone else, you are/already possess that which you gave; essentially meaning: you have to be, in order to be able to give it in the first place.

We spend so much time wanting and desiring to be something or someone that we think we're not. Trust me, whatever it is you think that you're not, you can surely be if you only look inside of yourself and shed the fear of thinking there's not enough to go around, or if you choose not to believe the illusion of fear, which in turn sponsors the negative thought.

The biggest misconception we all share at one point or another is the idea that there is a lack of abundance.  There is more than enough of everything for anyone to have what they desire most.

If you find yourself wanting to be someone else, start by being that person.  It sounds simple because it is. The hardest part is believing that you have that person inside of you to start with. when that gem is realized, found lurking inside of your inner most recesses, you'll begin to understand that your potential as a human is unbounded and unmatched... except of course by every other human. We all have the same potential, it's just that some people choose to believe that we do and others are still in a state of denial.

We are beings of unlimited potential, if and only if, we believe we are.  If you choose to think that you're limited in any way, then by the nature of the thought, you will be limited.  Choose to believe in yourself by first believing in someone else and their worth.  See their worth as your worth.  Then and only then will you realize that the only limits we have on our lives are those we place on our own shoulders.

Choose to be limitless, choose to be love, choose to be giving and caring, choose to be better, choose to believe in yourself and for heaven's sake choose to acknowledge that you're more than just okay.

Prepare Yourself

We can never be sure what life has in store for us, but what we can do is prepare ourselves to the best of our ability to meet life's gifts and distractions head-on.

We get what we desire most when we least expect it, but almost always when we need it the most.  It's because of this beautiful anomaly that we have to properly prepare ourselves to receive the ups and downs of life that will inevitably get thrown our way.

When we look inside of ourselves and see the beauty that we each possess it becomes easier to accept the good things that come our way. On the flip side, if we choose to look at life as a curse or as a burden, it will be harder to accept the blessings that present themselves to us, for they will appear as ghosts to us.   

This past weekend a new friend of mine said, "I can't believe all of the cool things we've got to do over the last hand full of years."  I thought about what she said for a minute then retorted with "It's because you were open to doing fun and exciting things, it's because you weren't closed off to them."  After I said that I realized just how true those words really are for anyone who's looking for answers.

So many times in life we fail to be prepared for a blessing. So many times in life we look for a ship to sail out of the rain on, when that ship could have been there the whole time only slightly past our desire to reach. We have to be open to good things coming our way and we have to jump on those opportunities when they present themselves.  

The other point here to understand is you need to be ready for the bad things that come our way as well.  If you don't know who you are as a person or who it is you're striving to be, the bad times will always seem worse than they really are. However, if you are confident in yourself and in your abilities, when the rain comes you will see it only as a brief shower, one that only serves the purpose of cleansing.

Nothing happens to us that isn't supposed to happen, everything happens to us to make us better and stronger people, if you but only choose see it that way. Life is only as we choose it to be.  Every blessing can turn into a curse and any curse can turn into a blessing; the only thing that separates the two is how prepared someone is to seize the moment for what they want it to be.

Choose not to have the word "never" in your vocabulary or the idea of 'if only." Instead think and say, "it will," and "I will." Or for the more advanced among us, "it has."

If you're ready for a change of tides in your life then by God, prepare your ship for the new waves that will bring you where you desire to go.

When you feel like the bad is outweighing the good, you have to look at yourself for any change to take place because not anyone but yourself can save your own soul... for the soul is never truly lost but merely forgotten about for a time until we choose to see it again.

We draw near to us that which we desire most, and by desire I mean "what we think about most." You must ask yourself what it is you truly desire in life and why. This is a very important step and I would highly advise thinking about. Why waste time on thoughts not conducive to what you desire most? Emotions work the saw way too: Negativity breeds more negativity, where as positivity gives life to more positivity. The same model works for fear and love, rich and poor, the happy and sad, with endless examples being inhibited only by my desire to move on.

Be ready to take the good in life with the bad because if you're ready for both, the bad will never be enough to crush you. When you start to comprehend that in every negative there is also a positive, you will begin to understand mans' true nature.

By understanding your true nature and how that relates to your deepest desires, you will begin to attract remarkable blessings your way that seem almost impossible to believe.  Be open to life and you will never be filled, be closed to life and you will never know how close your dreams actually are to what reality could be.

Redefining Modesty

The topic of interest for me today is MODESTY.  

What exactly is modesty? 

The definition of modesty(Google) is: The quality or state of being unassuming or moderate in the estimation of one's abilities.

Somewhere along the way, we as people have taken the meaning of this word and transformed it to mean one of an assumed weakness or contrived inability to accurately portray our real abilities.  This particular way of thinking about this word is a major problem for human beings and for living a life where you receive what you're worth.

The place where this word has taken on its new meaning stems directly from what different faith practices tell us about the word.  In almost all religions the word modesty is highlighted as a word we need to understand in order to live better lives.  But the real issue is not that religions are telling us how to view this word, it's that religions are wrong in their motivation for describing how to live out this word. 

Modesty is best served only when someone is not boastful about their abilities, however, that doesn't mean that when asked about what we're good at we have to shy away from expounding on those gifts and talents.  It's okay to tell people when asked that you are fantastic at something. I recommend being as straightforward as possible when someone asks about your prowess in a certain area.  If you feel confident in your abilities then your words should be closely linked with what you produce. Without verbalizing your productive qualities you lose out on something extremely valuable: your worth.

If I were to ask the sun if it was hot, the sun would most definitely say, "Why yes Mason, I'm extremely hot!"  If I was to ask a professional athlete if they're good at their sport their answer would be, "Yes Mason, I'm very good at my sport, how else did I make it to the professional level?"  If you were to ask me if I think I am a smart man I would most assuredly say, "Yes, I am a smart man and I'm proud of that fact." If I was to state anything other than my worth how would I ever know how I feel about myself. More importantly, how will the world ever know what you're worth if you can't come to grips with your own self-worth?

How are we as people ever going to fully understand our wealth of ability if we continue to downplay our gifts when asked about them?

This is a radical way of thinking that takes some getting used to, but it's a way of thinking one needs to wrap their mind around if anyone expects to change their lot in life.  Let me present another scenario to you and you can tell me what makes more sense:

Two people are up for the same promotion, both are asked to meet with their boss for their final interview to decide who gets the promotion.  When employee "A" walks into the office the boss asks, "How would you rate your ability in your current job, how good are you at what you do?"  Employee "A" responds with, "I have maxed out my ability in my current position, I have outgrown its duties and I feel like my talents are best used in a new setting with more responsibility and a higher pay bracket.  When employee "B" is asked the same question he responds with, "I think I have done a pretty good job with handling my responsibility, I think I could handle more."

Which person in your mind deserves the promotion?  I say employee A does; he was more confident, and more straightforward with his belief in his ability, transpiring into a more qualified approach to obtaining the promotion. 

Employee B was trying to be modest in his answer and it cost him his promotion.  So you see that modesty can be a hindrance at times if not used in the proper ways.  Modesty is great for those who choose to be timid and weak as an excuse for not obtaining what they want most. However, if you choose to be strong and live a life where you get what you deserve, you need to understand that being confident in what you're great at is okay, it's the right choice and it's the only sure way to getting what you deserve.

Where people get caught up is in the boasting category.  Boasting is the unwarranted production of words describing something you think you're good at. Boasting is the ugly cousin of modesty and it's where people fail to see that what they're saying is of no interest to the entertaining party.

If I ask you if you're good at something and you say you're okay at it because you believe modesty is the best policy, then guess what?.. I'm not going to ask you again, nor will I pay you what you deserve for your services. How could I? If you don't know what you're worth how am I supposed to know?

I see so many people not getting what they want most in life and a large part of the reason for this is, people not believing that they deserve what they want most. Why is that? Why not choose to believe in your gifts and talents? 

Don't let your religious leaders convince you that proclaiming you're amazing at something is bad, what's bad is their stifling of your chance to succeed in life. For if you tell the universe you don't really deserve what you want most then you'll receive more feelings and instances of not having what you want. This is the great mystery of the universe and the secret to having what you desire most.

If someone asks you if you're great at this or that and you actually are then tell them you are, make them believe you're the person they need to be talking to and make them believe your words have merit and value through their sincerity and authenticity.  Believe in yourself and in your abilities and in turn use those gifts you're blessed with to create prosperity and success in any avenue of your life. This is even true for romance and relationships. If I'm dating someone and they don't know who I truly am because I shied away from honesty in some shape or form, the other person won't respect me enough to make the relationship worthwhile in the longrun. It's also a fantastic way of narrowing down who's worth your romantic love and trust. 

We are judged by others for the words and deeds created by our own hands and mouths. Being falsely modest only creates a world for yourself that creates no choice other than to be that which meets your viewpoints surrounding your life; a world of lack and want. The contrary is true as well which just might be the most beautiful gift the creator ever gave us; the ability to create our own universe within the created universe. Reality is literally nothing more than how we CHOOSE to see it. Our lives are a byproduct of our choices and how we choose to see the world around us. Why not choose a life that produces more fruit? Why not choose to see your worth? 

Forget what anyone has ever told you about your worth and honestly listen to the words that you're about to read: You are beautiful, you are kind, you are full of potential, you are the most beautiful gift in creation and you are worth whatever you think you're worth. You are the only judge of your value and no one has the right to change your mind into thinking that you're lacking in value somehow. You are me, I am you and together we make up the essential "we." Apart we all seem separate or lacking in someway but without every one's unique qualities we would have no way to be a species that continues on. We're all essential beings and we're all worthy of the heavens themself. 

Try to stay away from boasting, however, if someone asks you about your ability in some facet of life, don't for a second tell them you're less than you are. This serves only the prupose of keeping your current life out of the reach from the life you desire most.

If you don't fully believe in yourself no one else will.

We are all what we believe we are so choose to believe in yourself as 100% worthy of a beautiful and fruitful life.  No one accomplished anything worthwhile in this life if they didn't have the courage to first tell someone that they can, and will do it.

If you let the universe believe that you are less than what you are for the sake of modesty, you'll never really get what you want most out of life and the best you can hope for is modest returns.

Let Your Light Shine

“You should now better understand how people of like mind can work together to create a favored reality.  The phrase “Wherever two or more are gathered in my name” becomes much more meaningful.”

 – Neal Donald Walsch

There was once a candle that longed to shine bright for all to see.  This little candle knew what gift it possessed inside of itself; a light.  This particular candle knew its limits though, and in knowing its limits for brightness it decided to wait until others joined in his cause before he lit his wicks and gave light to those who might need him.  This candle waited so long to show off his ability that he began to forget how bright he could truly shine, causing him to almost gave up hope, until one day his owner lost power to her house.  The candle finally had his chance to fulfill his purpose regardless of how many others joined the cause.  When he was lit the little candle provided the light required for his owner to make her way through the house to light the other candles.  Finally the candle was at peace because his purpose in being created had now come to fruition.  Because this little candle provided the light needed to find the other candles in the house the owner was able to provide enough light to safely navigate her way throughout the hallways and rooms of the house.  This little light eventually burned out and completed his grand purpose, but not before he helped other candles fulfill their purpose as well.  You see, the candle didn't need to rush his purpose in this life but only needed the opportunity to show what he was made of.  When the opportunity arose he was ready and shined brilliantly, providing the light for others to be able to shine as well.  This little candle knew his purpose and when given the opportunity he took it, he didn't make excuses or hide in the drawer so as not to be used, he wasn't afraid of living up to his potential, and because of this knowledge others were able to live up to their potential as well.

This story of the little candle serves to illustrate a simple picture of our ability to shine in our own way when called upon. It serves as an illustration to show how if we’re ready to be lights in this world we will be able to help others be who they were created to be.  We all have a light inside of us, we all have a reason for being here and we all have a grand design and purpose.  There are no coincidences in this world, only a grand design.

It’s important to be ready for when the time comes to shine your light, it’s important to know and be one with your existence and purpose, and it’s important to be ready for your chance to help others better understand why they’re here through the use of your own gifts.

Sometimes all it takes for others to realize their potential is a little spark brought on by the fire burning inside of someone else. 

A single candle can brighten a room but a host of candles can brighten a house. 

The next time you think you have to make a large effect on this world right away or it’s not worth doing, start by making a modest effect on your surroundings, a micro-effect.  By starting small and on familiar grounds, you’ll soon spark the kind of light you wish to see on a larger scale and you’ll see more of the macro-effect you were hoping for.

No change or movement was ever started on a large scale, it first began with a single idea, then an action for change took place, then word spread about the deed and others took action in the particular movement. 

We can all see a change in this world if we but first start by being the change ourselves.  Shine as brightly as you possibly can and others will take notice and join in on spreading the light.

A candle can only light a room, but it only takes one candle in the darkness to provide light for the rest.  

Words are Powerful Beyond Measure

Last week I was getting ready to do a series of writings on the laws that govern our lives.  I was all set to examine just how and why some people seem to get all of the breaks while others always seem to come up short of what they want most in their lives.  I was meditating on the idea and decided to watch a couple of videos which went into greater detail about these super laws when I came across a video of a young woman who was giving a lecture on what it meant to be connected to the universe and how being connected manifested itself into our everyday lives.  She went on to talk about the discarding of the universal super laws in her life and instead focusing on being above those laws.  She was talking about the validity of being above what you desire most and simply just being.

I thought about what she said, about the words coming out of her mouth and about the way in which she was portraying her message with such meaningfulness in her breath.  I took so much stock in what she was saying at the time that it discouraged me from doing the writing that I had planned to do.

The more I thought about what she said the more it melted into my consciousness.  For the past week I have thought on her talk many times.  The problem with what she said wasn't the point she was trying to get across, but instead it was how she said what she wanted to convey, the problem was in her word choice and her delivery.

This conclusion led me to a great discovery… Just how powerful are the words we speak, just how meaningful are the sounds that pour forth from our mouth?

The answer is: VERY POWERFUL.

I consider myself someone who is very steadfast in his way of life and his views of the world, but I am also open for the evolution process to take place in my life at any moment. 

I allowed this lady’s representation of her universe to stop me from doing what I knew to be the right thing.  I allowed her words to mold me a little bit and as a consequence I never wrote the piece on the laws that govern our reality.  But what the week did teach me was something of even greater importance and something a little less ethereal… WORDS ARE POWERFUL.

The old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” came to mind.  I think that’s partially right, but in many ways, completely wrong.  Words are the pouring out of our thoughts, thoughts are the energy of our emotions, and emotions are the mind's deciphering of our feelings. 

Words can either lift someone up to achieve greatness or they can break someone down to a base level of unworthiness.  The biggest secret in this world that most people only give lip service to is that we’re all worthy, we’re all creative beings capable of achieving our greatest goals and aspirations.  We are all essentially the same thing in different costumes, but when someone fails to realize that they can be a detriment to many with their words they consequently fail to realize the power of their tongues.

If you have ever had a coach or a teacher that was a magical motivator then you know the power that words can have, they can lift and inspire the young and the old alike for pursuits of greater purpose; the flip side of this is also true.  Someone’s words, if you allow them to, can make you feel like less than you actually are, they can make you feel less than whole.

Every day of our lives we have conversations with others where we talk about everything under the sun, from what TV shows we watch to what life really means to us.  We convey our thoughts through our words and our words through our actions.  We are liable for everything that spews forth from our tongues. 

Next time you think about tearing someone down or persuading someone not to reach their full potential in something, stop and think about the ramifications that your words can have.  Do you want to be responsible for another person’s sorrow or sadness?  Do you want to be the reason another person doesn't live up to their potential?  Or, do you want to be the catalyst for that person to be the best that they can be?  Do you want to be the voice that gives their dreams wings? Do you want to be the soft whisper that puts their life into proper motion?

Our words are powerful beyond measure.  Our words can give life to love or they can give death to hope.  

Does your world need more negativity or more positive influence?  Do you want more love or more fear in your life?

Talking negatively about someone serves no purpose, being negative in your speech helps little to grow, but if you focus on building people up and speaking only words of love and hope you can be sure that your words will be fruitful in their pursuits.

If you choose negativity, please for my sake and for those I love around me, stay as far away from me as possible, because that's probably the most positive influence you can have on my life.

The law of attraction states that we draw near to us that which we are... If you're negative in nature then you will never have the positive results you so dearly desire.  It's time to wake up people, it's time to take responsibility for your words and your actions and start living the lives you love and not the lives you fear.

Either Side can be Green

I often hear people talk of the grass being greener on the other side of the fence.  This is a common misconception that can lead to much torment in our daily lives if we fail to see the real truth behind the statement.  For to believe that the grass is greener on the other side you have to first believe that you have no control over the watering and seeding that can take place on your side.

If you constantly look to other pursuits as more worthwhile, or other partners as better suited for you, or as someone else having more of what you want, you’ll be in for a world of disappointment.  You have to first look at yourself and what you've been doing to procure what you desire most before you can accurately make an assessment of what someone else has, or appears to have, or even if you would really want what’s on the other side of the fence.

This is a very intimate discussion you must have with yourself and your soul.  You must first sit in a quiet place that’s undisturbed by the loudness of life around you, then you must ask yourself the tough questions, and lastly you have to be honest with yourself about why you may or may not have what you desire most…

Am I the person I want to be? Am I fulfilled in my daily life? Do I have all of the financial resources I would like? Do I love myself? Do I believe I deserve more?  Do I believe I have the creative potential to acquire all of my goals? What’s stopping me from doing what I desire most?   Am I complete in myself without needing anything from anyone? Etc…

These are just some of the questions you have to ask yourself before you look at someone else as the beacon for what you want most out of life.  Introspection can often times lead to the answers about yourself that you are seeking to understand more fully.  Through meditation and prayer we can connect to the root of our angst and the real root of our power as individuals.

As we see in the picture above the grass is green on both sides of the fence.  In no way is the left or the right any different in appearance.  What we also see in the picture is the bending of the fence which can represent the twists and turns in our life, our decisions about how to proceed.

We all have the great power and authority to make decisions about where to go, who to be, how to live, and where we want life to take us.  Those who truly understand that we are the walkers of our own path, and that we can make any path we so choose, live their lives in a way that produces a “greener" nature for any choice they make along life’s journey.

I believe that no choice is inherently good or bad, it’s simply a choice we make.  The gravity of our decisions are what produces the fruit or the chaff in our life.  If you are going through a tough time tight now in your life and are struggling with wanting and desiring more, look first to your motivations, and then to your view on whether you are in control or not.

We have been blessed by the beautiful gift of choice, but what accompanies that gift is where most people lose their way.  No matter what choice we choose it still needs proper care and attendance.  It needs constant effort and appreciation, it needs our 100% effort or even the greatest of choices can lead to a futile end.

Life does not give you gold if you don’t know where to look.  Life gives us exactly what we work for, life gives us opportunities to cultivate our lot and whether we choose to be good stewards of the land we’re given is up to us.  The results of our labor provide the answers of our farming.

If you feel slighted in nature because you don’t have what you desire most, look no further than the choices you made to get there.  Look no further than your outlook on life and your views on what you’re worth.

I’m here to tell you that you can have the life you want most, you can have security and prosperity, you can have love and be loved, but you first have to believe you’re worth all of those things.  

Never make a life decision without first asking yourself am I willing to give 100% to this endeavor… I can attest to this principle for I have made decisions just like anyone else that have not produced the fruit I was hoping for.  When I look at why things didn't work out the way I wanted them to, I have only myself to blame.  Sure it’s easier to blame outside circumstances or other people for our failures, but the real value of our efforts can only be judged by our honesty in their pursuits.

Fear of failure or fear of success can be the negative, motivational factors behind not achieving your dreams.  But in saying that, I have to point out one very important thing: Fear is an illusion, and if you don’t realize that you’ll be forever falling down the rabbit hole like, Alice.

Make a conscious effort to ask yourself why some things have worked out and others haven’t, be completely honest with yourself about their perspective outcomes and I’m sure you’ll be better prepared for your next great adventure.

Make goals, short and long-term ones, make a vision board, focus on your dreams and how you can manifest them, and never let anyone tell you you’re worth less than what you desire most out of life.

To have a brighter and more fruitful life prepare yourself the best you know how to make it a reality, and if you fall short look to yourself as the reason.  Pick yourself back up if you fall and decide to be better the next time and to accept “I did” as the end result, not "I should have." 

Water your side of the fence and someone, somewhere, will look to your harvest as what’s wanted.

Thankfulness is a State-of-mind

“If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily.”
-Gerald Good

What if you woke up today with only what you were thankful for yesterday?

As I read something similar to this question this morning it got my head moving in the direction of what thankfulness really means and how it’s the most attainable pursuit in our present world.

At its core, thankfulness is a choice and a state-of-mind, all at the same time. 

We spend so much time as humans thinking about what we want next that we often times forget that the blessings of today were yesterday’s hopes and answered prayers.  We have become a body of people that continually look towards the future in hopes that it will produce greener pastures that we usually forget to stop and smell the roses.

In all of our lives there are so many reasons to be thankful… whether it be for a roof over our head, food in our stomachs, clean drinking water, some money in our bank account, family, friends, love, or the ability to be free and to choose what we want for ourselves every day.  There are literally hundreds of things that we can be thankful for every day of our lives if we but stop for a second to think about them.

How can we expect to live another day hoping for life to be better if we can’t give thanks for where we are currently?

How can we expect to be thankful for life tomorrow if we can’t be thankful for life today?

When I answered the question for myself that was posed at the top of this writing I was startled to think that I would have woken up this morning without a family, starving, with no place to live, without any friends, and cold and damp somewhere with no money to my name what so ever.  That’s not a reality I want to be part of.

The key to living a life where the sun always shines is by first realizing just how truly blessed we all are in our own ways.  Being thankful for things in our world is a choice we must make everyday, for if we don’t evaluate what’s positive in our life on a constant measure, we’ll be unprepared to acknowledge new opportunities for added happiness.

Take some time today to ask yourself what you’re thankful for.  Whatever answers you come up with will be the benchmark for staying in a mindset of thankfulness for days to come.  Don’t let little blessings go un-thanked, don’t let little drops of love go unnoticed, and for heaven’s sake, don’t allow another person’s act of love go by without as much as a smile and a quiet thanks from you.

The act of taking a minute to think about what’s positive and beneficial in your life will lead to a continued state of thankfulness that will naturally take over your entire being.  To live in a state of thankfulness takes no more effort than constantly acknowledging what you have in your life to be thankful for, and if you’re like me, there are plenty of beautiful gifts in my world to be appreciative of.

When you start living in a state of thankfulness you’ll start enjoying life more, you’ll start having more fun with people and you’ll realize the little steps we take throughout the day will inherit more beauty and meaning.

Choose to be thankful today and you’ll uncontrollably start wearing a smile more, you’ll be prettier, more fulfilled, happier, and better prepared for the blessings that are waiting to enter your life tomorrow.

Success Should be Measured by Intent

“My failures have been errors in judgment, not of intent.”

-Ulysses S. Grant

Failure is as much a part of life as success; they live within a beautiful, symbiotic relationship as much a part of the world as an up and a down.  The very fact that the word success is even definable is because the word failure sits at its doorstep.  In life it’s inevitable to experience as much failure as you do success, where I think most people get the wrong idea is that success should be determined by an end product as opposed to its by products that came from our original intent.  Success means so much more than arriving at a desired end point, it means having the courage to even take the first steps towards a point.  The Lao Tzu put it beautifully when it stated that “A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.”  If we can wrap our minds around this simple concept then the act of living a successful life will be easier to manifest.

Like everything else in life, success is determined by the measuring stick we use to define it.  In my life I have suffered many defeats, defeats of character, in sports, as a writer, as a philosopher, as a friend, and in a more general sense as a human being.  But when I started to look deeper into these failures that have crept into my life, I started to have my eyes opened to the fact that these were not failures because I thought they were, they were failures because I let others give them that definition.  You must be very careful about letting others define your efforts, for other people have no idea the reason for any of your attempts.  The part of success and failure that I find most interesting is the intent that goes before the actions are taken.  Why give anyone else the ability to define your life for you, when it’s so much more fun living out your definition for yourself and letting your life be an evolving definition that speaks for the success itself?

Behind every action we take is the intent for the action.  Behind every choice we make is a motivation inside of us for making that choice.  When the world judges our actions it so often doesn't have enough knowledge of our intent to make a proper judgment, so don’t sweat the outcome of things as much as you take stock in the action itself.

Let’s say you have a friend who is in love with their significant other, and you catch that significant other cheating on your friend.  You know it will devastate your friend if you tell him/her, and it might even end your friendship with that person because they might not believe you.  You decide to tell your friend what you saw anyways because your intent is to be a loving person who doesn't want to hide the truth.  Upon telling them the news of betrayal your friend gets angry and decides not to believe you.  Even further than not believing you your friend decides to no longer be friends with you.  The outcome of this decision would appear a failure to the outside world but in your eyes it was a success because you feel at peace with the decision and you did what you thought was right.  Your intent was pure in this matter so the end result is not what was important; it was the journey of being a loving friend that was a success.  You can see in just this one, simple scenario, how intent is what should be valued over the perceived failure in an outcome.

I’ll give you another example where your intent can be the reason for failure or success.  In the same scenario from above if you take a slightly different vantage point you can see how failure is born.  Let’s say you saw your friend’s significant other cheating and you decide that it’s better to let your friend find out on their own because he/she needs to be taught a lesson about not trusting people; despite not wanting this to be the case for you in the same situation.  Your intent is to have life teach someone else a lesson that’s not rooted in love, and thus the failure takes root.  Your friend inevitably finds out that he/she is being cheated on and consequently finds out that you knew all along.  This knowing leads to he/she ending your friendship on entirely different grounds, entirely warranted grounds, for you can no longer be trusted as an honest person.  Same end result, a lost friendship, a failure by the world’s eyes.  But because of the intent you entered into the scenario with you have no sense of success; you failed miserably at being a good friend.

In both scenarios you can see how the intent of the person is what comes into question, and in both scenarios you can see how the outcome can either be one of harmony born from intent or one of disharmony bred from intent.

On the great walk of life the only real judge of success can be your intent on living.  If you make your way through life poor and unwanted in the eyes of man, but your intent in life was to be a pure spirit with pure intentions and you chose accordingly, which only lead to the end result of lack in the material sense, I see you as a success.   On the flip side, if you die very wealthy and powerful because your intent in life was to exploit others for the building up of your own ends, then I see you as a failure.  The acquisition of wealth is neutral,  it's only paper, the manner in which it's acquired is what someone can be deemed a failure or success by.  

We are all born naked and without a single object to our names, and we all die the same way, for we can’t carry anything with us past the grave.

If your intent on anything you do is pure then failure is not an option worth exploring, for your intent is the primary ingredient of success regardless the outcome.  Your intent is all that you have to warrant any decision you make in life; pure intentions are what separates the beast of man from the lamb of God.  When your intentions are pure and righteous you will learn that the end result is not always what warrants the judgment of success or failure, but it was the journey itself that produced the success your life will be judged by.

I know this idea is rather ethereal and does not always produce the financial means which you might desire but it will produce the person you desire to be.  In life when you know you are the person you want to be, all the gold in the world alter change this fact.  But the man who does not know who he is cannot buy his wanted definition with any amount of gold.  At the end of the day the person of pure intent will be happier and more fulfilled because intent is not for sale, it’s given freely, and we can’t go to the grave with gold but we can go to the grave with a pure heart and a pure mind.

Your intentions in a matter and not the outcome should be what define success in your life.

Return to Sender

Sometimes in life we come across someone else who does more than take our breath away, they somehow manage to show us how important that breath we have really is.  This can be a lover or a friend or just a random stranger who talks to us in such a way that it reminds us that living is really important.  I am here to attest to the fact that this phenomenon is paramount to not only being human but in knowing what it means to be alive. 

When you meet this kind of individual it’s important to be as real as possible so that no intention is mistaken for anything other than true and honest gratitude for their existence.   It’s also extremely important to give to this person that which you desire most for yourself, namely kindness. 

Love can come in many forms:  from the exchange of a kiss, a handshake of reassurance, to a hug that depicts your mutual trust.  Love and affection are not givens in this world, at least not in the way that most people think.  Love and affection are in need of nothing, they’re perfect in and of themselves, and neither requires a return to sender.  Love is an action and an emotion, it’s a noun and a verb, and it’s not something that can be taken for granted because it exists solely within itself for definition.

You don’t have to exhibit an undying need for another individual for that person to understand that they’re important, you just have to be there in the moment and show a desire to be willing to exchange their gift of affection in whichever way suits you best. 

To feel needed is a travesty in our society but to feel important is a gift that goes beyond words to describe.

If you have someone in your life that you feel is worth your time and attention, do me a favor, grab them up and tell them, regardless of how silly it may feel for you to do so or regardless of what their reaction is. 

Give your love not freely but openly when the opportunity presents itself and hide not in the comfort of past habits but instead look to see your beauty in the eyes of that person who can see you for who you really are.

Love is an action and a noun, so next time you wonder how you should react to another’s kindness think only to how you would react to feeling love course through your bones if you were to feel it for the first time.  Trust in your instinct to give to another and you’ll have figured out that a real friendship is only born through being different than most, and that a real friendship is only born when we lose ourselves in the opportunity of finding love in another.